How Your Brain’s Secret Circuit Affects Your Relationships- And How You Can Activate It

Formational book review by Megan

3/5 Stars

“My hope with The Joy Switch book is 1. You learn to recognize whether your relational circuit is working, 2. If not, you know how to use the Joy Switch to turn it back on, and 3. You learn relational habits to sustain the relational circuit so it works at its optimal range.” 

Author Chris Coursey lays out at the beginning his goal in writing the book. A very simple and direct goal, easy to lay out a plan and give direction for the reader. The book is directed at such an important part of our lives, relationships. We can’t avoid it. We have some kind of relationship with our family, spouses, co-workers and store clerks. Coursey says “The areas in our brain that govern character, emotions, and identity are all relational.” So that should make understanding and building/maintaining right relationships a priority, and as the book goes on to say, its hard to stay relational when joy levels drop.

Reading as a Disciple

“Once our relational brain shifts to enemy mode with God, we lose all ability to joyfully interact with another relational being. […] Approaching God when we are in enemy mode is an excellent way to ensure God feels distant because our brain is in the worst possible position for a relational interaction.”

The author Chris Coursey, is a believer and talks about faith and how it relates to joy and relationships throughout the book. I found it interesting when he said “Thinking about pain and hurts is a great way to remain in nonrelational mode with people and with God.”  It is so easy to do, we can replay events and words that hurt us in our minds and we struggle to find God in a situation. Coursey goes on to talk about how to stay relational with God and find His peace in these moments. Just as God instructed the Israelites to put up monuments to his faithfulness, we should also have times of looking back on when we enjoyed God’s presence and faithfulness and when we experienced His peace. Though our circumstances may not change, we will be in a better position to hear from God and accept His peace. 

Reading Communally

“Isolation makes unsuspecting victims more vulnerable.”

Again, this book was not just about us and our own ability to turn our Joy Switch on but also how to help others come back to a place of joy. Community and our connection to the body of Christ is critical. Experiencing negative emotions is normal and inevitable, what the book covers is how to help us return to joy quickly and this also applies to our relationship with others. If we are able to return to a place of joy, then we can help others. We can often get stuck though and struggle to return to joy. “This ‘stuckness’ leads to the loss of abilities we often take for granted, such as the ability to stay loving, kind, thoughtful, caring, considerate, compassionate, and generous. It means the unwelcome appearance of personality distortions like narcissism… Narcissism, the inability to shift out of enemy mode and process shame, robs joy and keeps people stuck in enemy mode.” Those are all things we easily experience on a bad day. This is also where addictions come into place because we are looking for joy substitutes, artificial, nonrelational replacements for comfort. 

The majority of the book is devoted to the habits that Coursey believes will help us return to joy quickly: connection, appreciation, rest and Shalom. 

Final Thoughts

The book is packed with great thoughts and insight into staying relational with others and God. What I enjoyed was the questions and practices offered at the end of each chapter. It’s a great way to keep the book practical and helpful. 

What I don’t like is that the book bordered on providing a cure or step-by-step approach to be joyful. While Coursey mentions very briefly that is not what this book is for, by using the imagery of a switch, he oversimplifies something to just being joyful or not. He mentions “there is a progression with different ‘relational shades’ like colors on a color wheel.” And later he says “the relational circuit is like a dimmer switch with shades of relational mode.” But it is too hard to not get the idea of on/off out of your mind when it’s in the title of the book and there is a big picture of a switch on the cover. This is misleading for the reader. There is no “cure” to doing away with negative emotions and remain in some euphoric state of joy. What Coursey does not go into is how negative emotions are not necessarily a bad evil thing, (Jesus experienced them,) but they are a normal part of being human. God can provide a way for us to navigate those seasons in our lives when the negative emotions seem to outweigh the joy. This book should be seen as only a small step or tool to navigating those seasons, not the cure. 

Other Chris Coursey books

The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages- we recommend this book!

The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled People

The 4 Habits of Raising Joy-Filled Kids