For Lent this year, we decided to try composing a family poem. This was an interesting and lively challenge. It mostly involved the boys coming up with words they thought we should incorporate as we discussed themes of hurt, sin, salvation, and redemption. Benaiah also practiced his rhyming skills and came up with some phrases that worked and Megan of course wanted to utilize the word game. Most of the hard labor was done by Lance though; he was the poetic architect.
Though it is after Easter, we hope you can still read it and remember.
There and Back Again
A Lenten Tale
We are all made from dust And behind us, beauty made ashes Driven by greed and lust Our souls writhe, mine thrashes
In my chest, my heart crashes To others, I cause agony, my own despair Against the innocent, my tongue lashes Eyes squint against holy glare
At darkness rather, the sunken stare Brows casting dark shadows on desire Love given, love received, ever rare Eye and hand and stomach conspire
Picking need-filling fruit from the mire The bite that only brings shame Draws the flickering flame to burning fire Wrong around me, others to blame
Erecting farcical thrones, my unholy game All beneath, small within my keen gaze Though my passion's violence I try to tame Mind's eye, each one, I set them ablaze
No, not one can stand while being appraised Deeds of others displayed on my lofty hill My own, concealed with in a dense haze Touch it and hear me loud, and shrill
I stand alone, fortifications set with skill Ambition driven, my soul lets none in Who will dare enter my bastille At all ends, I shall surely win
I stand alone, fortifications set with skill Bound tight writhing in this snake skin In the end a slave by my own will All my best ends, pathways to sin
No, not one can stand while being appraised Deeds rung up, I've received my bill Concealing fog burned away by truth's rays Vanity stripped bare, my tongue stands still
Erecting farcical thrones, my unholy game Judgement's keen view, others pained by my ways Violence unbridled, deed's testimony proclaim Through judging others, its the eye's mind that decays
Picking need-filling fruit from the mire Taste's variated diversions causing regret all the same Pleasure snuffed, revealed as a liar Wrong around me points to my name
At darkness rather, the sunken stare Dark shadows, they demand and inquire Love given, love received, hearts prepare Freely accepting what flesh can't acquire
In my chest, my heart crashes Damage caused, recognition of error A repeat of what I've done, my will now clashes Towards the holy gaze, set to Christ in prayer
We are all made from dust And behind us beauty from ashes Growing seed from rust Our souls alive, with holy adorned sashes
What were our favorites from last year? Here’s our breakdown in no particular order.
Megan’s Top 3
Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
Evidence Not Seen by Darlene Deibler Rose
Runner up: The Lost Year by Katherine Marsh
Lance’s Top 3
Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer
The Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis
Lilith George MacDonald
Runner up: Blessed are the Misfits by Brant Hansen
Overall
Megan read:
27 books total, 6,536 pages
8 biographies
6 non-fiction
2 books in verse
4 graphic novels
Reading graphic novels and books written in verse was a new experience. I enjoyed it and can definitely see how artwork can enhance the story for graphic novels and writing in verse can evoke emotion and tell a story in a different way than just text. I read several books with a friend which always helps enhance the reading experience, for example, Rumors of a Better Country is best read with another person, it’s very heady and theoretical and needs conversation to help process what’s been read. There are only a few books I would not recommend (How To Rob a Bank and This One Summer) but overall, I enjoyed all the books I read.
Lance read:
23 books total, 7,139 pages
2 biographies
9 non-fiction
3 Christian Formation
Many university text books, articles and journals etc.
Much to my angst, my normal reading this year has been interrupted by the textbooks of school. I do not begrudge this change too much however, as it is all for the good cause of continuing my education to gain more specific skills in our ministering and loving those we serve. In my other reading, it has mostly been a year of oldie-but-goodies that I have read multiple times. I think it was Lewis who said that you have never really read a book until you have gone back to it over and over again. He is also a major part of my re-reading this year. The boys and I have been slowly going through Narnia and it is as alive to me as ever. I also read the space trilogy again. These books are so important for our time now, as all the Space Trilogy evangelists will tell you. Blessed are the Misfits was a surprisingly helpful book for me. I would have not given it a second glance unless a friend went through it with me. I have always felt uncomfortable in different Christian settings, and this helped me understand that I was not alone. Finally, George Macdonald hits me in so many good ways and I owe to him a lot of my love for God and others through his writing… thanks again Lewis for the recommendation.
In our last email update, Lance had just arrived in Lviv, Ukraine for the national YWAM gathering called Razom, meaning together. It was such a great time for all the staff. It was important for everyone to come together, to see each other, hear what everyone is doing and how they are doing. The care team Lance is part of, held break-out sessions about caring for traumatized people and how to do simple group care. He also met with different people throughout their time. After the gathering, Lance went to Kyiv to meet with more people. It was a time well spent.
Lance with the rest of the care team that came to Ukraine.
As I start typing up this blog post. I receive another phone notification that Ukraine is under missile threat. For the next 3 minutes of my typing, my friends and coworkers will be hearing air raid sirens. Some are checking their phones to see where the missiles have been fired from, gathering what they can about the kind of missile or drone it might be as well as projected trajectories. They have done this so many times, they can calculate how many minutes it will likely take to reach where they are if it is coming their direction. This is now normal life in Ukraine. And the normalcy of this reality often makes me cringe. But another shift that I have been noticing is my language surrounding Ukraine and travel… And I don’t like it.
The last couple trips into Ukraine,… wow, I just did it… let me explain what I just did and restart this paragraph.
The last couple times I went to Ukraine, I started to realize that I have inadvertently adopted a language that I have never before used in context of travel to and from Ukraine. It was not an intentional shift nor have I seen it as a welcome one. And sadly, it was not just me using this language. Anyone going to Ukraine started unconsciously using it as well. We no longer say, we are going “to” Ukraine, we say we were going “into” Ukraine. What makes it even worse, now saying “I’m going to Ukraine” feels abnormal and insufficient. This may seem silly, but this frustrates me so much. So much so, I have been making a conscious effort to reinstate the proper preposition of “to” back into its rightful place.
Sure, we use into and to interchangeably very often to describe our going to some place. For instance, “Megan, I’m going into Irondale.” It is natural and it works. But there is a difference, and that is context. Irondale is not at war. There is not a distinct “being in” and “being out” of Irondale. Men in Irondale are not being stopped at the city limit and told they can go no farther. Irondale is under no threat of missile attack that will come indiscriminately at any time in any apart of the city. If it was a place of combat and danger, “into Irondale” would be a very different meaning. You would probably stop saying “to” and exclusively start saying “into.”
I very rarely before used “into” to describe my going to Ukraine. As I think about it now, when I would talk about travel, I would say I will arrive “in” or “to” Ukraine at such and such date, but rarely “into”. So, what has changed? The context Ukraine is in has changed. My relationship with the nation of Ukraine has had to shift. How I approach my going there and my staying in country has changed. It is so incredibly inconvenient to get there now. The freedom of my movement and my friend’s movements have been hampered inside and outside. Before the war and after war started is strikingly different.
But what has not changed? My relationships there. My love for Ternopil. My love for the Ukrainian people that have changed me so much for the better. When I am here or there, relationally I am still in. We have never been out even when we have been here in the states. For me, to say “to” is relational openness. In the context of nations, it rings of freedom. Just like when my kids say, “we want to go to Grammie and Grandpa’s” or “I am going to Europe.”
“Into” compartmentalizes Ukraine into a mere conflict zone. A scary place that we must go “into” and “out of.” It shortcuts our brain to make Ukraine an unsafe place that should be avoided. I know it is a small shift in language that may not mean very much to most people. But it means a lot to me. Ukraine is not just a nation for me. It is where I learned how to be a friend. It is where some of my deepest sense of purpose and community was fashioned. It is where Megan and I met and grew up as a couple. It is worth changing my language for.
So, I am choosing to combat this language of separateness, of distance and of isolation. I will again, for my friend’s sake, do a small honor and say, “I will be coming to Ukraine as soon as I can.” My language will reflect my heart’s stance to this wonderful country. And here in the states, I will unashamedly say, again and again, I still love going to Ukraine. Missiles, drones and hatred may be coming into Ukraine, but I will always be coming to Ukraine.
“To follow Jesus is to become his apprentice. It’s to organize your entire life around three driving goals:
Be with Jesus.
Become like him.
Do as he did.
Apprenticeship to Jesus—that is, following Jesus—is a whole-life process of being with Jesus for the purpose of becoming like him and carrying on his work in the world. It’s a lifelong journey in which we gradually learn to say and do the kinds of things Jesus said and did as we apprentice under him in every facet of our lives.”
“Practicing The Way” is less of a book and more of an introduction to John Mark Comer’s new program called, you guessed it, “Practicing The Way”. Though, I do have to say, it is also a really good book. In general, I am a pretty big fan of Comer’s books and framework around the Christian life. I am drawn to the contemplative nature of the way he encourages us to practice our apprenticeship to Jesus. In the world today, we have so many people, things and causes drawing our affection and dedication. There are so many distractions it is hard to know how to move forward with a sincere Christlike lifestyle. In this book John Mark introduces us to a way or “rule of life” for this day and age to be a disciple of Christ by being with Jesus, becoming like him and doing as He did.
Reading as a Disciple:
“The question is not, Am I becoming a person? It’s, Who or what am I becoming?”
“Christlikeness is possible, but it’s not natural. In fact, the gravity and inertia of life will likely take you in the opposite direction. “Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it,” as Jesus said. Put another way, there are no accidental saints.”
I know I am a child of God. But sometimes I do not look or act like a Christian. I often think that just reading the Bible, going to church or being a missionary somehow forms me into a person that exudes Jesus in any situation… Sadly, this just not the case. I love that Comer frames this all with a question. Am I a Christian, or an apprentice of Christ? To be a Christian is to do what Christians do. To be an apprentice, however, is to abide with the Master, emulate what I observe Him do and obey what the He asks me to do.
Comer argues that we all “make our home (abide) somewhere, the question is ‘where?’” I have seen myself “rooted in the infinite scroll of social media” and from it have been “angry, anxious, arrogant, simplistic, and distracted.” My willpower seems to have no power to actually do much against this very real force of “abiding” in things other than Christ. So, if I cannot, from my own willpower, combat this current barrage of other things that ask for my undivided loyalty and sacrifice, how do I live a life of a disciple in this current age? How do I stay an apprentice while getting woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby, or reading another devastating article about more people dying in Ukraine or navigate yet another difficult relationship in the body of Christ?
I think Comer may be on to something… Just do the things Jesus did, while being content in a relationship with God where “I look at Him, He looks at me, and we are happy.” I so want that kind of acceptance and response to God. Most of my Christian life has been doing the right things for God because I have to. But I am hoping my perspective is shifting to wanting to be like Jesus simply because it is the most loving and fulfilling way to live. Right now though, I am taking tiny steps toward this. Discipleship is a whole lot slower than we all want.
Reading Pastorally:
“For those of us who desire to follow Jesus, here is the reality we must turn and face: If we’re not being intentionally formed by Jesus himself, then it’s highly likely we are being unintentionally formed by someone or something else.”
“If “they” (whether multinational corporations, politicians, anti-democratic government agents, marketing departments, influencers who just want more followers, etc., etc.) can make us believe that each person is a blank slate, just following the inner compass of our “authentic self” in an upward march to happiness, then they can keep us blind to all the ways we’ve been “discipled”—formed and manipulated—by their desires.”
It is hard to keep a pure heart. It is harder to shift ourselves away from things that we “like” and “want” that are actually doing us harm. It is actually even harder to identify what is even causing us harm. I have found, just telling someone who is constantly on their phone (which I have been known to do sometimes) to put their phone down does very little to bring an “aha” moment of their dependance. However, when I have seen people take a fast from social media, or actually rest one whole 24 hour period, tensions in their mind, emotions and body emerge. This tension emphasizes our living outside of God’s design for our human life and work. That is something way more than just knowledge will accomplish. That is a practice (or discipline), in apprenticeship to Jesus, working against our unhealthy coping strategies that “deform” us.
“The life of the Christian faith is the practice of many practices.”
I think there is something to, in the light of being loved by God and learning to love him back, a framework of consistent practices. The difficulty is that it is not easy (it may be impossible) to do on our own. So the challenge, I think, is to actually do this in community. And I love Comer says that, “love is the metric of spiritual maturity, not discipline.” This is an important part of having a “rule of life.” It is not for perfection, but for love.
Other thoughts:
Why do I love Christian formation? This style and emphasis in Christian living has been a solid rock for me these past 6 years. I remember the first time I was challenged to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry” (another book by Comer) from my life. It was then I started a very simple practice, driving the speed limit. I was shocked to see my anxiety start to lift, my attitude to other drivers become more gracious and in general I became more peaceful… until I came back to the states and drove in the Seattle area… I increased my speed by 4 above the speed limit for my family’s safety… It was also the same time I started to have to initiate “The practice of being misunderstood.” It is amazing how many people assumed I was just was trying to be a jerk by controlling the speed of others. I promise, I was not… But I found that as I initiated a regular practice into my life, I was exposed to my inner life like I was not aware of before. And, in turn, I was able to love others better.
